Thursday, February 5, 2009

Something Under My Skin


My "best-est" friend and I were having a discussion about Islam and Women. Here is some background information. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. Neither one of us have a wonderful example of marriage to pull from so we have been doing ok. Our standard debate is on duties and responsibilities of the spouses but we got into a conversation about why Muslims especially Muslim men do what they do. Lets break down something-I know some brothers who get "Islamaically Married" only and refuse to do a state marriage license and when they have children they refuse to add their name to the birth certificate because they do not want "The Man" in their business. Guess what brother-If you die suddenly your next of kin could be your mother, your ex-wife or whoever and they may not be Muslim, and they may not respect your wishes to have a janazah in 3 days and buried in a Muslim cemetery. They may just be money hungry and take the cheapest way out to deal with your dead body-cremation (which is so haraam on so many levels). Then look at your dumb behind-or rather your ashes.

Why do some Muslims try to get over so hard? Are you afraid that when you abuse and misuse your state legally married wife she may divorce you, make you pay child support and alimony (what you are supposed to do anyway because it is in the Qu'ran to take care of your children for life and your wife for 1 year)? You are afraid to be held accountable. And what is this business of "I need another wife" The Qu'ran says "One is best for you if you but knew." I am not claiming that all Muslimah's are the best things on the planet, because there are plenty of Muslimah's with their fair share of issues, but I am saying that you should want to be just and correct on all levels.

How come when some Muslim men gets married they think they have a right hand possession? This woman is in your possession and you get to treat her like a child- with this asking permission to do this or that- and asking for this and that. Please. I am an adult, I went to college, I go to work, I take care of mine, I am not asking anyone permission for squat. NO ONE! I will ask your opinion and take that into consideration, but, I am not asking for anything. If I want it I get it, if that means that I have to work overtime, save money, clip coupons, find a babysitter for the kids- I am going to get it, period. I am not going to ask permission to go to New York for the day for business, Go shopping with my money, go out at night to visit friends or to go to get a cup of coffee at 2am if that is what I want. I am an adult, capable of deciding when and if I get married and to whom, why am I asking permission for anything. I guess that is the negro in me but hey- love me or leave me alone. If I have to work to help with the responsibilities of the house then I GET EQUAL SHARE IN THE SAY OF WHAT GOES ON. When I get treated like a princess and can stay home all day and put henna on then I may THINK about asking someone something. Don't get me wrong, I do discuss with my zawj my events but it goes something like "I got invited to do a bridal party in New York, do you want to go? If you don't want to go I will take the train instead of driving." Then he says something like "When are you supposed to be there, I have to check my schedule." Not like "Husband, May I please go to the movies with my girlfriends after I worked and took care of our children and took care of the house."

These are the same reasons that strong women are turned off of the deen because these ignorant, chauvinistic, women-hating brothers walk around town spewing this type of garbage and rhetoric to people so they can feel like "the man in charge." Attitudes like this make it hard on Muslims who strive for the pleasure of Allah in all they do, but are confronted with this kind of stereotypical Muslim self-promoting agenda. You can not imagine how many times I have had the conversations about how someones brother's-cousins-best friends-baby daddy is a Mooslim and he makes his wife for permission to go to the store or she will get a beating with a stick, and then they ask me why did I chose to become Muslim.

These type of messed up Muslims do not share the beauty of Islam and the blessings you get from Allah to be married and treat your spouse with respect and love, and the bountiful blessings you receive from Allah to do well by your children and wife. They do not share the knowledge of the blessings from Allah to have children and to raise them as believers in the oneness of God and the endless love from Allah for striving in his cause. Islam is so beautiful, why do some humans make it so ugly.

I am done ranting for today.


Hijabi Apprentice said...

Ooh tell 'em girl!! I feel your vehemence! I hate the pick and choosing that some brothers seem to do of deen/sunnah stuff, but then they turn around and want you to be like a Khadija (ra) or Aisha (ra). ((Shakes my head))