You never know...

You never know who you will meet. The other day I took the bust to Georgetown to meet some friends. I saw a lady who sat across from me and she was staring...so I was a little irritated. Then the lady asked me where I got my hijab. I guess I had a strange look because she then informed me that she was in the process of reverting to Islam and needed to get hijabs that were nice so she could wear them to work. So what do you say to that? I gave her my card and wrote Sister Jennah's website on the back. Then I shared my reversion story and told her to call me whenever she wanted to chat or have a jummah prayer buddy.

Who'd a thunk it...You never know when your smile might be encouragement for a new Muslim or an invitation to the deen...

Relections in A Minor

So...with my schedule so hectic I never find the time to really get into a quality blog cycle, LOL, But here goes my attempt. Lately I have been rather melancholy and I think it is due to me getting to be older and wiser or, I am slowly dying from "the lack of sleep" disease since school started. I was watching "August Rush" today and yesterday I watched "The Happening". They were both excellent thought provoking movies. It is amazing how we human beings are so self-centered and are very rarely humbled by the unexplained phenomenon of life. Not many people think the unexplained is an act of mercy from the higher power, and I am curious to know why?

God created us to serve and worship him. I believe part of that worship is to take care of his creations, all of them. I can be very crude, harsh and direct sometimes but I have never willingly taken advantage of someone or been a blatant destroyer of things. In "The Happening" the common theme was to take care of the earth or it will destroy you. In "August Rush" the common theme was to have faith and all things will fall in place. Here is my question. Where are all of these feel good people and why don't I encounter them very often?

Daily I am encountered by people who's favorite topic is themselves. I am not that interested in them so why am I forced to discuss you and your issues- ALL THE TIME. I have things I like to discuss, mostly not about myself. I enjoy an occasional genuine, what are you feeling conversation.

The entire theme of energy in "The Happening" is so deep(seriously). I can be in a wonderful mood and someone with nasty energy can come in and it takes me a good 10 minutes to shake that bad vibration. I am currently in an industry that will not allow me to have negative thoughts while I am working on clients. I think that is why they like my services. I think that since I am thinking of positive thoughts and feelings I am passing along these vibes to my clients and I like the way we both feel in the end.

Maybe, someone else needs to rent those movies and tell me if I am crazy for feeling personally effected by them.

Do people really think they can say anything to others....Really?!?!?!?

So....I have been incognito due to school...work...and other family issues that really should put me on one those moods that I would feel compelled to share my misery around the world. Over the last 2 weeks I have noticed all types of shenanigans going on in my environment, almost like Shayton (Then Devil) is attempting to trap me into some corner so I can come out swinging. I have chosen to take the high road, however my patience has run thin. Lets begin with these strange antics...

***Someone stole my son's torn, ripped and basically destroyed Spiderman Bookbag from school ( I am not paranoid, it was stolen because all of his things were thrown in the bottom of the cubby)... So my mother (The devout Catholic who sprays random people in the face with holy water while cursing) goes in to the school and performs and all I said was, "Maybe the other person needed that bag more than he did.." She shot me a look and then I knew just to keep my opinion to myself. He got another bookbag on Monday and she makes sure it comes home every day.

***On the way into the driveway one weekend afternoon, I pulled my car over, with my right turn signal on and then followed that signal with blinkers. This crazy white woman in this hillbilly pick-up was right on my tail and almost hit me in the back, which automatically makes HER wrong...so she drives around me after laying on her horn and then gives ME the finger...So the entire time I am like, what just happened here and how did I deserve that? I guess I would have been wrong if I decided to follow her down the street and return the favor...so I took the high road.

***Yesterday, after our class plans for the day had been turned upside down by some of the other instructors we were cleaning up the classroom. One of my class mates starts saying, "I don't have time to clean up I need to go home to my child" (This girl came into class with an attitude...) So the other classmates chime in on how they have this and that... and I am sitting there thinking...these chain of events is getting old and I am getting irritated by selfish people who are self centered, rude and childish. I started to think about the fact that I have not spent a night alone with my husband in months, my son is acting out in school because he refuses to go to bed before I get home, I have a mother with cancer who helps me but I think at the end of the day I her more, I have to figure out how to pay my bills and help with my families bills on a part-time salary, I do not think I have slept a full 6 hours since the start of 2009...I can go on and on.... So I say "We are all stressed, we need the upcoming break to regroup." Then this Woman in Child's behavior says "Nothing ever bothers you, you must not have any feelings."

SO...My face frowned, and my mind was saying remember that you said this year you would attempt to do a better job of thinking through what you say... So I said "No, things bother me, I just know that if I moan and groan it doesn't help, I have other things that I need to do with my time and I put on my BIG GIRL DRAWS on and get busy...So maybe you should change OUT OF YOUR DORA PULL UP and stop crying all the damn time and maybe you will be blessed with some reprieve...and you should really mind what you say to people because maybe you will prove how simple minded and selfish you are instead of them assuming that is the way you are...."

It felt good even if it may have been wrong to say...however it was needed...

I spent the morning watching rude people on the metro. Is this what this world is coming to...people who travel in their own worlds who do not realize that we are all connected and a few moments of common courtesy and human decency would take you farther than your behavior right now. I am so moving to my private island sooner than later....

Ok, I am claiming temporary insanity...Does that give me the right to say what I want?

Over the last few days, I have been irritated because I have had to stifle myself..But yesterday I think Allah blessed me to have a series of events that took place over the day that had me saying to myself "Welcome Back Sister Girl-I have missed you!!!" So sit back and enjoy the series of ridiculous events.

Event 1- So...I was riding the Metro, it was cold as a polar bear's tail(*word substitution*) and crowded. I had to stand for the duration of the ride. I get on 4 stops from the beginning of the line and by the time we got to downtown D.C. the train was pulsating with the crowd of people that had stuffed themselves on this one train like it was the last to come before the end of the world. There were many very nicely dressed professionals in their designer best acting like children in Headstart... pushing, shoving, complaining, and acting simply retarded. I finally get to my stop and the doors open and to my dismay people began to attempt to board the already crowded train while we were trying to get off. Then there was a slight break in the pushing and shoving...and I was wondering what the hold up was..then I saw. An older lady had fallen outside of the train doors and people were stumbling as they steped over and on her as they went on their way...Something in my head snapped and then I said..."Hold it a minute, you people act like farm animals!"..and I helped the lady up, mind you her beautiful winter white coat was saturated with footprints and smudged stains. Only then did some of these selfish people act like they had a bit of concern.

Event 2- So at dinner time I decided I wanted to go to get a burrito bowl. As I waited to order, I noticed a lady in there...clearly homeless and hungry with another well dressed woman. Everything the well dressed woman ordered the homeless woman ordered the same thing. As we got ready to pay, she had a side order of rice and beans, chips and salsa, her burrito with extra everything, an Izzie soda, a large bottle of water and a cup of ice. I watched the well dressed woman pull out her American Express Card and pay for the meal. My class mate and I saw the pair again at the back of the resturant where the well dressed woman asked the homeless woman, "Did you get everything you needed for your meal?" and the other woman responded "You know what, I want some white rice from the chinese store down the street..." The nice lady said back, "I do not have any cash, you have rice with your dinner from here, don't you remember?" Then the exchange went on back and forth for a few minutes and then the nice lady said to the homeless woman, "I am sorry you are not happy with your meal, I do not have anymore money. You should sit down inside the resturant and eat so you can stay warm. It's cold out tonight" THIS UNGRATEFUL NASTY WOMAN SAYS BACK, "Don't tell me what to do, you bought me dinner and thats all..." I was PISSED OFF as I heard this conversation. As we all walked out together, the nice lady was clearly upset about the entire event. I said to her, "That was very nice, and it was clear you were not doing a good thing for public recognition. Even if she is not happy with her meal, you have added a good deed to your life and God always remembers when his servants give of what they have." She smiled and said thank you and went on down the street... People who are truly hungry would kill for a customized fresh hot meal, not complain...

Bottom line I learned my lesson---Say what you think...immediatly, especially when you are watching people act like colons.

More to come-

Listening to Your Breathing

It seems like I am full of words of wisdom when the "Poop" hits the fan- (substitution for a more colorful phrase). I am continuing to reflect on my choices and what I am doing in my life right now that is effecting an outcome of some sort. It is amazingly easy to say "Give in and let GOD do his work"...but the actual action is a hard thing to do. I have come to the section of my journey where I must really look to Allah for guidance and acceptance.

My instincts right now are telling me to go back home and get in the bed and try it again another day, but I have to stretch myself past that and move on, get up get out and do something. Nothing seems to come easy to me, and the things I plan always fail if I do not have the proper perspective and guidance. I have know for years that in order to make a wise decision you need to make isthakar (prayer asking for direction). I can honestly say, I have not done that in years. I have been writing my own script without the directors blessings and it is now starting set a series of events to come to clean up my mess.

It is amazing how much Allah loves us and how much he cleans our messes and forces us to do whatever it is that we need to do to grow and change. As I make more lemonaide out of my lemons I can really appreciate and hear part of the message. I think the message is to be still and breathe in the sites, use the gifts that Allah has given me and be still. Shut my mouth and listen to the sound of my breathing and the sounds around me. But here is the tip...How do you become still? I have thoughts racing and plans being planned in my mind as I sleep, day dream and even when I am really not trying to- You know what they say "You are not crazy if you talk to yourself, you are only crazy when you answer too..." So I am shutting my mouth...

It is amazing what the mind has to say when you actually listen...so I am listening to the sound of my breathing.

Random Thoughts

As I sit at my desk and contemplate the way my life is evolving and revolving, I reflect on all the things I thought I would be doing at 31- and it was NOT THIS! Where did the turn happen? I am currently listening to one of my favorite songs from the 80's. I remember one day I waited on the phone with WPGC 95.5 to request that Al B. D play Girlfriend by Peebles, I was a pre-teen at the time (I am dating myself).

Here is what I envisioned my life to look like...I was going to be a famous artist of some sort, painting and drawing to my heart's content. I was going to look fabulous in my designer clothes and I would be living in my fancy loft style apartment. Instead, I am a mother of 2 small children, now a student again, living at home with my parents and my family because my mother has cancer, and a wife of a husband who is clearly unhappy with the entire situation. This is so not the Sex in the City Lifestyle I had planned.

But, I am not the planner. Allah ta ala is the best of planners and what he plans for me I will accept, even if I grumble a little, I am only human. I do what I am supposed to do, I got married, had children, raise them with morals and values, work hard and earn what I have, but there is always more month than money. I look at what others have and I think how easy it was for them to have what I should have. My kids deserve to live in a spacious home with their family, I deserve to have a safe and new car, my kids deserve to go to the best schools, I deserve to have the best of whatever. But then I remember that when you are on the straight path, that is when things are thrown in your way. When you are on the path to dispare on your own it is a very easy road.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not misrable but I am thinking of what I wanted before I had children, a family and responsibilities. It is amazing to see how I have changed directions over the years. I have not given up my dreams and asperations, I have just changed directions and fine tuned dreams. I am a realist, and it is hard for me to dream and desire things that are far from reality, but I am working on it.

When I change perspectives my life seems to be a little different...I have a car that is paid for and works fine, I am able to take care of my parents the way they took care of me, my children are growing up truly knowing and learning from their grandparents, when the world is cold outside my famliy is at home together to warm each other. I am able to go back to school and work on things with my families support. Yeah we could have more but when you think about it...It is not so bad afterall. I would like to have a better car, LOL.

I know there is a lesson in this, and I am really attempting to get the lesson to learn from it...I just wish the school bell would ring and I could move on to bigger and better things. I guess I am ungreatful for what I have...

You can do it, I only have a Bachlors Degree in art so I do not know anything....

So, my mother's church wants me to do a project for them( of course NON paying project) and I was to meet with the coordinator before class yesterday. I scheduled and set the meeting with "Lady X" and "Father Y" and we met briefly about the project. "Lady X" is an over-zealous know it control freak and "Father Y" is a very nice Priest at the un-named church. They want to put together several projects and document them in a brochure and press kit so they can increase membership and gain attention from the Archdiacies of D.C. So we are there discussing the project, getting an Idea of how things should be done, and I am doing some mock-ups on the laptop using Adobe Illustrator( a professional graphics program). So I swing around my thoughts and she then says "Well, I had visioned something else" and she pulls out these drawings on lined paper that she did with her daughter's crayolas.

I am clearly a hijab wearing Muslimah, sitting with a very nice Priest with whom I could see me befriending. He and I exchange looks as she unveils her masterpiece which gives a child's drawing a bad name. I listen, and explain why it is not a professional look to do a brochure in the paint program that comes free on your basic computer. We get into a very heated dialog and then she says very coldly, "Well I think I wil do it myself and I am sure I will get a better product".

I am sorry, but sister-girl needed to get it- I said, "That is fine, you can do whatever you want. It is clearly the diseasion of the church and it's members. I am sure the church would like to have a professional looking product, and if you think you can deliver that over me than I am woman enough to step back and let you handle it. I only have had 14plus years training and experiance. I only have a Bachlors of Fine Arts degree and work experiance at The National Archives, doing a project very simular to this one that is still being used and duplucated today. I am sure you are better skilled with your crayola special on lined paper than I. So I will not waste your time with my trivial ideas. Please excuse me Father, but I am not about to sit here and be insulted by Ms Kindergarden Art when I have other things to do. Good day and my best regards for your upcoming project."

Why do people think that if they are crafty at scrapbooking and knitting they can do art. Art is not that easy, it takes years of study and practice to be able to do things on purpose. There is more to it than microsoft clip art. I guess people who go to school for art have a degree equvialent to basket weaving. I guess I wasted my life learnig the methods and proper design concepts. Why do people think that they can watch some online tutorials and call themselves whatever! IT IS THE FAULT OF THAT DAG-ON EXPERT VILLAGE AND YOUTUBE!

I don't think I have ever seen a pissed Priest before but that guy was LIVID and boy I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when he discussed the events of the meeting with the other Priests of said church. Wow! That was something special. She needs to give up her crayola's for lent, LOL. Question- Are Priests supposed to cuss? I thought they took a no cussing vow along with the vow of poverty.